| Monday, November 28, 2005 |
| 7? |
Got bored so I guess why not eh?
7 things I plan to do before I die - become a good Muslim and a good person
- Go around the world and meet my online friends.
- Be successful with a job I love
- Finish learning Japanese.
- Build a house beside the sea (or anywhere with water for that matter, a swimming pool if nowhere else is available!) for my parents when they're in their golden age.
- Become a good husband and father
- buy a sports car(by the time I could afford one it'll prolly be mid-life crisis or something :P)
7 things I can do - find stuff on the net (if it's on the net, I can find it)
- assemble/troubleshoot PCs
- drive like a nut
- act calm when I'm not
- dislocate my right shoulder at will
- play games or read books all day long ~
- give compliments with a bite
7 things I can't do - smack people even when I think they deserve it
- do math well(for an engineer-to-be, I suck at maths)
- enjoy laborious work(sorry ma, but I just cant enjoy digging up dirt in the lawn much >< )
- repay my parents
- anything gracefully
- run
- talk to people I don't know
7 things that scare me - heights
- Death and accidents (mine and people I know, families foremost. Actually I'm a bit paranoid when it comes to this)
- embarrassing myself
- robbers
- becoming a failure and ending up as a leech on my parents the rest of my life
- running out of money
- doing something improperly (when someone asks me to do something, I'd prolly have a ton of questions before doing it)
7 random facts about me - I drive without shoes still
- my eyes could start getting teary at any time of the day due to wearing hard lenses
- I have been playing online games since I was 14 years old. Not so much now though
- It's crazy hard to get a direct compliment from me
- So far, people have never gotten first impressions of me quite right
- I went from 82kgs to 69kgs in a period of 3 months once. Don't remember what I did but it did not involve any skipping of meals or any unhealthy acts.
- I used to pirate animes and sell them. Not anymore though since I got too lazy to burn dozens of cds nightly plus I couldn't find a place to download. I still have the biggest collection of anime in UTM though I think :p
7 things that I say a lot - kambing
- aite
- dude
- yela tu
- tgkla
- Ya Allah!
- dasyat
7 most important things in my room - Hand phone (internet, Quran and mosquito repellant (which I don't think works) in one!)
- wallet
- portable hardisk
- my hard lenses (I don't really like wearing em but my dad paid a lot so that I won't become blind in one eye)
- my PC
- my perfumes (sentimental value, not coz I'm that vain)
- my books
7 celebrity crushes - Mischa Barton
- Elisha Cuthbert
- Nicole Kidman
- Alizee (cute and she's French to boot!)
- Liz Hurley
- BoA
- Fergie from BEP
p/s: I just found a set of jumper cables beside the trash can in front of my room, people nowadays are so rich! |
posted by Elman @ 9:41 PM   |
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| Freedom! (for a short while anyways) |
Finals are done and surprisingly, I didn't do as badly as I thought considering that this is the most strenous stretch of finals that I've ploughed through in all my years at UTM. Between papers a couple of friends and me had to finish up an assignment that was supposed to be passed on before it's test. So our gang Gemilang(was our theme song during the intense period of doing the assignment) finished a 2 month project in the period of a week(go go procrastination!). I felt like a robot, whenever it was my shift to sleep(yes we worked in shifts where a person slept and the other 2 tooled on) I had dreams of coding and hardware designs. Not to mention out of the 3 I was the only person who understood the whole concept of the CPU(we were designing a 13 instruction CPU) so after waking up I had to repair whatever damages that was wrought during my period of refreshment. It was a hell of a week. On the bright side though, I didn't have to study much at all for the paper since the workings of the CPU was etched forever in my brain(considering that I even dream about it, that's not really a surprise is it?) Every cloud has a silver lining eh?
Watched Potter before the grueling period began, was ok I suppose. I've stopped expecting much from hyped up movies a long time ago. I guess when you don't expect much, every simple thing is enjoyable ;) Actually, I don't really expect much from anything much at all, not just movies. If I don't get a birthday present, I don't really mind(much) since I got better stuff than petty toys from my parents(though I do admit that I used the birthday card a lot when I was younger for big big stuff, uhh like an exercise machine and PS2 long before my birthday comes to even). If I asked someone to go to movies and they say no, I'm usually ok with that since I don't really expect a yes answer most of the time. Although I do get very cross when someone breaks an appointment with me. When you've given your word then I expect it to be met. That's why I usually don't plan stuff ahead much, going somewhere on whims means I don't have to rely on other people meeting their word for long, just a few hours beforehand. Sounds like a very untrusting person don't I? On the contrary though, I trust people until they lie or break their promises to me, so I suppose I just don't want to not trust people.
Owh and I've just finished reading the Well of Echoes quartet by Ian Irvine. Not a bad book IMO, in the span of 4 books the writer managed to turn bad guys into good guys and good guys into bad guys and into good guys again and all the while maintaining a quite engrossing plot. An up and coming writer and to top it off, he delivers new books faster than the other authors that I'm used to. Although I do have to point that being a quartet, the story has to end at book 4 doesn't it, not continue in another novella ><
There are a lot of things that I plan to do this holiday period, we'll see whether they all get completed though. I plan to start working on a new software for my mom's clinic, not a complicated thing I suppose since I'm only using Visual Basic 6 and I also got a database software that my friend has been working on to refer to. It's a pretty good software considering that his lecturer is selling it for RM20k(only thing my friend got out of being a slave was an A for a 2 credit subject. By slave meaning working on the software every free minute that he has, even between final papers. ah well, an A is an A right?) There are a bunch of stuff I plan on watching at home too :P Work during the holidays? never crossed my mind. It's only a month long and not many places take people up for a month anyways. Hopefully, I'm gonna be working full-time in about 6 months anyways right? |
| posted by Elman @ 7:01 PM |
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| Saturday, November 19, 2005 |
| kokoro no kagi |
| The Keys to Your Heart | 
You are attracted to good manners and elegance.
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. |
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| posted by Elman @ 9:25 PM |
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| Online goodies |
I have a been in the online scene for a long time and the better part of it was playing online games, much to the dismay of my parents. I've had an interest in it even back when Meridian59, the first Online RPG, was just coming out. The first online RPG I played was the Realm by Sierra. It was a dull game to be honest, filled with bugs and crashes that frequently happens every week but the idea of playing with people from all around the world had me going even through all the dullness.
I really started seriously playing MMORPG when I was 17 though. I even recall the date, it was January 1st 2000(think of it as a new year's resolution hah). That was when I started Everquest. It was also the time I started an addiction to online games. For the next 3 months while waiting for my university application I didn't eat, sleep or do anything much other than playing EQ. If I was sleepy while playing I would just crawl under the desk and sleep, eating was done in front of the PC and prayers were done with utmost haste. There was nothing else much on my mind. In other words, I was a total wreck.
My gaming schedule encountered a bump when I got into UTM. Even so, I tried to come back home every other week so I could comtinue my adventures in the world of Everquest. I rejoiced when term breaks arrive since I would have the time to play as much as I wanted to. I joined the best guild on my server, becoming one of the best players in my class in terms of gear and skill at one point and also made a lot of online friends. Everyday my goals were to get the best gear, help the guild kill badder and meaner enemies and become a better player. Being a good player I expect to be complimented on my skills and to look down on the unlucky people who do not deserve to be in my guild, those were my dues. This cycle went on for the next 3 years.
Now, I still do play online games at times but not to the level of addiction that I used to. Usually just to pass the time and meet up old friends online. I've never been as passionate for anything else as much as I had for Everquest. I met a lot of great people too. Being a great player probably helped my self-esteem at the time. It's not something that I need now though. |
| posted by Elman @ 7:03 PM |
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| Wednesday, November 16, 2005 |
| I live in a bakery |
Isn't it somewhat odd that even though the general idea that is imprinted on everyone's mind is that every single person is unique, everyone is special but somehow or rather, the general community also tends to categorize people into stereo-typical groups? Using college life for example, there's the nerd types, cool types, geek types, geek/nerd hybrid types and also geek/cool hybrid types (sorry to say this but even I must agree that there is no cool/nerd types). Are human beings like bread then? Bunched into groups of croissants, French bread and cheese rolls? Is the uniqueness that we talk about as significant as the variation of sesame seeds on a bun? Then why is it that not only do people tend to stereo-type, but they also accept that they belong in those categories assigned to them by others? I for one consider being called a weirdo a compliment. It's not because I'm not cool, geeky or nerdy enough to be categorized, it's because I choose not to be a bread. |
| posted by Elman @ 1:11 PM |
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| Borderline...? |
When I start to think about it, I realize that a whole lot of my life has been a series of almosts and not quites. It's like I want to do something perfectly but when I know it's not possible I just stop doing it so in the end it becomes "almost finished" or "not quite good enough". I suppose if you look at the end results of most of em you won't think that there's something wrong, but when it all adds up it sorta makes me feel like a failure a bit.
Well, let's see, I suppose I'll start with my education. For all my major exams, UPSR, PMR and SPM, they're all not quite good enough even though I know my potential is a lot better than what I got.
My personality and traits are usually almost and not quite too. I'm not quite that good a person and not quite that bad also. When I interact with ppl, I'm not quite that nice but I'm also not that mean. If I tease someone (I only tease ppl I'm close with btw), I'll tease em till almost their limits but not quite going overboard. Nobody has ever exploded with me on that even though when I tease ppl, I do think I get quite extreme.
I'm not quite that generous but I'm not quite that stingy even. I'm almost a good driver. I'm not quite a geek, cool, bad tempered, patient, funny, fat, healthy, sick, and the list goes on. I almost finish a lot of games, once I stopped playing a game that I spent like 40 hours on when the endgame is only half an hour's game time left. Games aren't the only things either, sometimes when I do a project such as video editing, I stop halfway coz I get bored of it or something like that. |
| posted by Elman @ 4:52 AM |
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| Monday, November 14, 2005 |
| Eating in |
Most of my friends are too busy to hang around lately since they all either have their own projects to see to or going off on dates with their girlfriends. Being one of the few remaining guys from my batch who are still single, that sorta poses a problem for me since it's boring to eat meals alone -_-. The only reason this post came to be is because I had to eat by myself for the 4th consecutive night!
The other remaining bachelors from my batch have their own story to tell on why they are still single; there is the guy who is afraid to talk to girls, the one who was dumped 2 years ago but still hasn't gotten over it, the one who waited for a girl for 5 years and is still in limbo waiting for her response, and then there is me, the guy who has a lot of girl acquaintances but still avoids being in a relationship (most of them are in relationships anyways, I find those types to be better conversationalists. They're not that self-conscious compared to the single ones, with a few exceptions).
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a player (although my best bud's gf thinks I do seem like one if she didn't know me better >_<). There are a lot of reasons I suppose to why I'm still single. My grandma even asked me once whether it's because I'm just not interested in girls. That is definitely not one of the reasons!
I don't really think about it much anymore, even though I do get bugged by my family about it a lot. I just sorta started thinking about it after I went to my friend's acquaintance's wedding last Sunday. The marrying couple were both the same age as me and look where they're at. My mom would be more than happy to matchmake me if I ever let her, I'm most certain of that but I'm not really in that desperate a situation yet =P I'll get my ducks in a row and when the time is right, I'll find someone. |
| posted by Elman @ 8:57 PM |
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| Friday, November 11, 2005 |
| sleeping bites |
I always try to find things about myself to correct. In the past 2 years I've changed a lot, mostly emotional and psychologically though. Spiritually I've still too much ground to cover that it scares me.
My latest project was my sleeping pattern. A couple of weeks ago my sleeping habit was to sleep at 9am and wake up around 3pm or so and it had been going on for almost a month. Went through Ramadhan without even feeling it. That wasn't really a good thing though, makes me groggy most of the days and only active at nite so the cycle goes on. Now however, I'm almost normal. By almost I mean sleeping at 9pm and waking at 430am. It's better than the other schedule but not by much really -_- Now, it seems that I get a headache signalling that I've past my bedtime when it's 15 minutes after I just had dinner! Boroi la nanti huhuh. I'm almost normal but not quite. Do I subconsciously object against being normal with normal people's habits? The last time that I slept at 11pm and wake up at 630am was when I was working last April or something. Last week I slept at 11pm and wake up at 230am and stayed up the rest of the nite and that was Raya nite. |
| posted by Elman @ 6:50 AM |
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| Thursday, November 10, 2005 |
| P2P |
| There are reasons actually that I didn't really like blogging. For one thing, I don't feel like people could know me from my writing coz honestly, when I write I tend to be overly serious when in fact, I am anything but serious. Ask any of my family members, nak salam Raya pun I usually end up grinning at one time or another. For another, it seemed that successful bloggers are either people who are used to talking to themselves, those who like doing long-monologues, thinkers or people who just have a lot to talk about. I can't seem to fit myself in any of these categories though. In the end however, I suppose the answer is "Who cares?". |
| posted by Elman @ 12:23 PM |
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| New batteries, new post ;) |
It's now a week past Raya already. Yea, it's prolly a bit late for me to talk about it but then again, it's best to talk about stuff once all the hype and celebratory mood has all but gone away, yes? Self-preference I suppose. I had a lotta fun this Raya. There wasn't a lot of drama compared to our past year Rayas I'm glad enough to say =P Other than Hana not around and Nenek was sick, it wasn't bad, albeit a bit short. I actually had Raya pictures this year too! hahah well, I usually don't like getting my picture taken. Like when my sister got married, other than the family portrait, there was only 1 picture of me and it was me sweatily carrying some trays or something! Talk about unphotogenic. I like totally flipped this Raya though. Even competed with my photogenic self-portrait snapping lil sis hah. This Raya wasn't actually drama free though, I haven't gotten past a drama free one for years now hahah. We had a lil of a stand-off with some rude storekeepers. It's the first time that I've actually been that furious with anyone in more than 2 years. Don't really know what triggered me off though. In the past 2 years plus I've been punched, spit, slapped, yelled at, rear-ended, insulted and prolly some other stuff that I've forgotten but not once was I that furious, most of the time I either laugh or shrug it off. Weird eh? Owh and we went to Borders book store! It's prolly my fave book store now. There were 6 rows of fantasy fiction books! That's more than Kinokuniya. Finished off all my duit raya also hah. Hobb's book alone was rm120 =P Was well worth it though. I'm usually a very critical person. I could easily find fault in almost anything and that includes the authors that I read. I'll note off a few of the authors that comes to mind: - Robert Jordan - Long-winded and unreal characters. Knows how to make a good plot thought. Still one of my fave authors tho.
- Michelle West - Good plot but sucky writing. It's easy enough to get confused on who is talking at the time and it happens a lot.
- J.V Jones - She really knows how to gross people out. believe me.
- J.K Rowling - the Potter books are good. It's not that great compared to the hype that it gets though. Spoils the mood fer me. Not to mention that the latest book was short. I finished it in like 12 hours after I bought it!
- and the list goes on and on.
Now I couldn't actually find stuff to criticise on Robin Hobb's writing. I mean look at her latest book. The story is about a soldier lord's son who was sent to a military academy and the plot rotates on the guy going to classes, getting bullied and having some really really bad dreams. Sounds dreadfully dull ain't it? How the heck does Hobb turn that kinda plot into something that I couldn't put down? Beats me. My downloading habit has taken on a new twist also lately. I've been downloading e-books hahah. Well, now I could actually read from authors that I usually don't intend to buy their works and also old old works. I now have enough e-books to last me 5 years. prolly more -_-. that is if I could stand reading em for too long. I get radiated by the monitor enough as it is, don't really need the extra hours from reading from em ;p p/s: after getting a taste of streamyx and the instant popping of websites I am now back to gprs-based connection and 5 minutes to load every single page. That doesn't count the ones that has songs and videos in it. To sum it up, it sucks! |
| posted by Elman @ 9:40 AM |
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| Wednesday, November 09, 2005 |
| argh! |
my keyboard batteries just died! and it happened 10 minutes after i got back from jusco too huhuh. ah well, i should be grateful tho considering that they lasted for more than 2 years before dying =p typing even this short a msg by mouse is a PITA tho.
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| posted by Elman @ 6:46 PM |
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| Monday, November 07, 2005 |
| Misconceptions? |
When a person has a different view about you than what you yourself have, do you think that it's a misconception on their part? Do you think whatever the image of you that they have projected is wrong? I suppose this has long been one of the most important thoughts that plague the minds of people seeking acceptance(ie. teenagers). In fact, I think it's still goes on as you get on with life but on a different level. I wouldn't know anything past early twenties though but so far from my observation, that has been the case.
There must have been things that you have done that warrant that image of yourself. I just embrace whatever they want to "chop" me as. I may not agree, not totally, but they usually have to base their opinions on something. People like to judge, you can't begrudge them that. Most are so keen on doing that that if they can't put people into their respective categories I think they'd pull their hair out or something.
People wear masks, they have a mask for almost every occasion. In most cases, it's not really right to call it hypocritical though. I'd call it adapting. If you were tossed into a classroom full of nerds do you start raving on about the latest fashion and trends with the nearest person? I think not. Would you call it hypocritical of yourself to do so? I bet you don't. So I guess there is a possibity that people were judging you based on the "mask" that you were wearing at the time(Btw, this whole line of reasoning is applied to people in general, I'm not defending any acts of hypocrisy at all).
I do admit that it is easy enough for to adapt to people if I'm in the mood for it. Actually, even though I adapt pretty easily, most of the time I don't really change how I act. Or do I? Self-judging is such a biased thing.
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| posted by Elman @ 4:33 PM |
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| Thursday, November 03, 2005 |
| Once again... |
This would be the fourth time that I've started a blog. Each of the other blogs either end up deleted or abandoned. Turns out that whatever that I had planned for the blog at first, be it a movie review, a place where I put my anecdotes or just somewhere to vent, I just end up writing about the same subject, which was my observation of my colleagues or myself. Sometimes the views are a bit twisted but there's no helping that, since I've always been a pretty negative sorta thinker so given any situation, I could easily think up the worst possible scenario easily hahah. Even so, I try to think positive when it comes to people, although I do have to admit most of the time it does fall short =p.
It's not really that much of a hassle for me to blog actually, since most of the time there are a lot of things that are constantly churning in my head. Are they thoughts of intellectual material? I've no idea really, why don't you tell me. I don't crave for comments or need it to be read, for me it's just a place where they could go into writing and take the burden off my noggin'.
It is easy enough to think that when the subject that you talk about is yourself, then there is a serious case of self-absorbness in the head of the writer/speaker =P this might be the case when I do talk about myself, but being the frank person that I sometimes manage to be at times, I don't really compliment myself all the time. I believe that a person has to know theirself to be able to know everything else. I don't say understand here because I don't think even I understand myself. As every other human being though, I find the process of trying to a bit intriguing. Oh, we all know that it's not gonna give any visible result but it's still intriguing all the same, yes? ;)
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| posted by Elman @ 3:16 AM |
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| About Me |
Name:Elman J
Home: Malaysia
About Me: Too many faults to list, too many problems to solve. I myself am an on-going project and it is a project that I intend to succeed at.
See my complete profile
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